THE question is rhetorical.
Of course, we cannot give
to another that which we
demand for ourselves.
Yet, so many relationships are pitched
this way: you give me what I want
(read: demand) and then I will give
you what you want.
It is insanity, and if only both parties
could take a step back and have an
objective look as a third person would,
they would know.
The conditionality of such a statement
- you give me what I demand and then
I will give you what you want - means
no one is going to get what they want.
Either both win, or both lose, and
nobody can win if one party refuses to
soften their stance. And yet, it takes
just one party to begin the heart-
softening process, full of the spirit of
humility (otherness). And such true
softening is a stance that stays there.
(It's not a fleeting thing. A soft heart
stays soft. But, in truth, most
relationships need outside help when
hearts are hard.)
Relationships never prosper when only
one party gives all the time, and yet,
when there is quarrelling, both parties
mirror each other, saying - "I'm the
one giving and giving and giving, all
they do is take, take, take." How can
this be the true reality when the other
person is saying basically the same
thing? Ask any relationship counsellor,
they'll say this is common. It is
infuriating for everyone, certainly
most when you're one of the parties to
the conflict - "How can they say
that?!" It just creates more derision.
So, who is right? If one is right, so is
the other. If one is wrong, so is the
other. So we're advised to break past
the thinking, "I'm right, you're
wrong." The relationship can only tear
apart if that attitude is sustained.
From their own view only , each party is
right. But God's truth works on the
axis of reality, which is real from all
viewpoints: all truth, one side of the
truth in truthful tension with the other
side of the truth.
We can only begin to see God's truth
in the vista of reality when we
intentionally land in the other person's
shoes and commit to staying there.
Only then will there be viability to the
blessed hope of reconciliation.
Of course, we cannot give
to another that which we
demand for ourselves.
Yet, so many relationships are pitched
this way: you give me what I want
(read: demand) and then I will give
you what you want.
It is insanity, and if only both parties
could take a step back and have an
objective look as a third person would,
they would know.
The conditionality of such a statement
- you give me what I demand and then
I will give you what you want - means
no one is going to get what they want.
Either both win, or both lose, and
nobody can win if one party refuses to
soften their stance. And yet, it takes
just one party to begin the heart-
softening process, full of the spirit of
humility (otherness). And such true
softening is a stance that stays there.
(It's not a fleeting thing. A soft heart
stays soft. But, in truth, most
relationships need outside help when
hearts are hard.)
Relationships never prosper when only
one party gives all the time, and yet,
when there is quarrelling, both parties
mirror each other, saying - "I'm the
one giving and giving and giving, all
they do is take, take, take." How can
this be the true reality when the other
person is saying basically the same
thing? Ask any relationship counsellor,
they'll say this is common. It is
infuriating for everyone, certainly
most when you're one of the parties to
the conflict - "How can they say
that?!" It just creates more derision.
So, who is right? If one is right, so is
the other. If one is wrong, so is the
other. So we're advised to break past
the thinking, "I'm right, you're
wrong." The relationship can only tear
apart if that attitude is sustained.
From their own view only , each party is
right. But God's truth works on the
axis of reality, which is real from all
viewpoints: all truth, one side of the
truth in truthful tension with the other
side of the truth.
We can only begin to see God's truth
in the vista of reality when we
intentionally land in the other person's
shoes and commit to staying there.
Only then will there be viability to the
blessed hope of reconciliation.
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